STILL not asking for it -- NSFW

SlutWalk!

I am a simple minded girl in very many ways.
Rape is rape is rape.
This is NOT difficult.

When I was moving/first moved, everyone and their mother (seriously, their actual mother) told me to "be careful".
Maybe they were telling me to be careful to not cross the street without looking. Or maybe to be careful to not eat too many delicious foods and get fat. Or maybe to be careful not to spend all of my money on shoes. Maybe, but probably not.
They were telling me to be careful to not get kidnapped/raped/sexually assaulted. And as silly as it might seem, it infuriates me each and every time. It warms my soul to know that people care for my general well-being, and I really do appreciate it, but there needs to be a cultural shift, like right now.

This post will be long and filled with pictures and angry words, so please stop reading right now if:
1.You are unable to understand the concept that RAPE IS RAPE and that it is not "Oh but we were really drunk so..."
2. You will be offended by somewhat graphic photos and some colorful language.
3.You disagree with me. Because you're wrong and I will come to wherever you are and prove it. With my fists.

I just read this article. I think I could probably read an article like this every day, because it happens every day. These stupid stupid girls go to these stupid stupid parties with their stupid stupid friends, get stupid stupid wasted, and get raped by stupid stupid boys.

I could have written the exact same sentence, but the final thought read "and have a stupid stupid hangover. The end."

Maybe someone told her to be careful, maybe someone lectured her about drinking and how in high school, "boys will be boys." Maybe.

Did anyone sit those two boys down at any point in their life and discuss what makes a rape a rape?
Did anyone ever tell them that if she is too drunk to say no, the answer is still no?No, I guarantee that not one moment of their privileged lives was spent like that. And this, my friends, is the problem.
These boys didn't even know that they were raping her. They didn't even know!
But even worse than that is what this girl will have to deal with. Maybe she will be lucky and everyone around her will understand. Maybe she'll never hear that she was "asking for it", or that it is in some way, shape, or form, her fault. Maybe.

preach!

SlutWalk!

When I get dressed in the morning, especially when I am going into the city, I intend on looking nice, not to catch the attention of men, but for my own self. I would most likely wear a form-fitting dress that flirts along the line of "probably-too-short-but-I-have-short-legs-so-it's-not-too-bad", I will most likely wear heels, and I will most likely wear enough make-up so that I do not appear to be in high school.

And sometimes, (most times), I stay out late, and I am almost always by myself, and so that means it's often 10:00 pm and I am en-route to catching my bus home and I am alone, in heels, and a short dress. And maybe I will pass by some man, and I am a kind person, so I would probably smile in a friendly way towards him.

Now, this man has a few options:


He can be a normal human being and smile back at me and continue on his way. 

He can be sleezy and look me up and down and cat-call me until I am too far to hear his advances.
Or, he can be a rapist.

And if he chooses to be a rapist, it is his fault, not mine. It is not my fault, for how I look, it is not my fault for walking around at night alone, and it is most certainly not my fault that this man is unable to restrain himself anymore than an animal.

If I were a man, I would be incredibly offended at the excuses of rapists. Offended that these men claim that they were unable to help themselves, or that they didn't realize. These are men who making other men appear to be impulsive, unintelligent, sex-crazed beasts.

But you are not that, men. You are smart, and you are good, and you are kind.
 Please stop letting these rapists give you all such a bad name.

This is a challenge to every man who is a father, or will someday become one. I am not saying to not teach your daughters to be safe. But please, teach your sons so that your daughters have nothing to fear. Every rapist is someone's son. Please, teach your son about respect, that it is so much more than just holding a door. That the "friendzone" isn't real. That just because you find a woman attractive and spend time with her, but she chooses not to sleep with you, does not mean she is wrong. Teach your son to love women, to not objectify them, to not hurt them. And you will do this best by leading by example.

I have been very fortunate in life, I have never been assaulted in any way, I am one of the lucky ones. I am careful, I rarely over drink, I don't go places with strangers, and I am one tough bitch if you start making unwanted advances. But, I shouldn't have to be. I should be able to wear what I want when I want how I want, drink enough to get blackout drunk every single night, and then, trust any person around me to ensure me to safety. I should be able to. But I can't. Because, for whatever reason, this photo exists. And it's okay. Because "boys will be boys", right?

I hope you can see that I am not male-bashing. But I am rape-bashing. Please, talk to your boys, show them this blog, show them the article I linked. Remind them that their mother was once a girl who drank too much at a party. That their sister could be walking home in the dark, but thinks she is safe because she is with a friend that she thinks she can trust. 

The world can change, & you can change it. No matter how strict the laws get, or who promises what in office, rape will occur. But maybe, just maybe, if we teach our boys to grow up to be real men, real, good men, maybe then the war on rape can finally end.

I think I should make clear, just so we all know, what rape really is.
Rape is when you walk down at alley at night and a strange man attacks you.
Rape is when you're friend walks you home because you've drank too much, tells you he loves you and when you don't feel the same, forces himself on you.
Rape is when you want to have sex, but just as you begin, change your mind and he won't listen.
Rape is when you are too drunk to say no.
Rape is when you are a child and he is not.
Rape is when you didn't say no, but you didn't want it and pushed him away.

Rape is when you don't want to have sex for any reason under any circumstance and someone forces you anyway.





Please, if this is, or was you. Don't stay silent. Tell a cop, tell your teacher, your mother, your friend, tell me. But you are never in the wrong, and it was never your fault. Not even a little.

I could seriously go on for days. I think I could have a blog devoted to just this, but I hope I have made my point. I was slightly joking about the whole "you'll get punched if you disagree" bit above. If you do disagree, I am genuinely interested to hear why, so please, come find me, I'd love to change your mind.