What a Girl Wants



"What do you try so hard to fit in
when you were born to stand out?"
Quote of my highschool life.



I wish this were a post all about the film of the same name with Amanda Bynes before she lost it.

But it's not.

I have recently been schooling the men around me in proper ways to speak to women. (This is part of my mission to end street harassment and evenutally rape culture.) I was talking to some friends about it and one said something I hadn't even thought of:

"Well, what else are you supposed to say?"

So, without futher ado
The List of Things You Can Say to Women That Aren't Overly Sexualized, Threatening, Demeaning, or Harassing:
(all of these come from personal experience)
"What a lovely shade of yellow." - A man at my office whilst standing in the elevator, he was discussing my rainboots... just go with it, this is New York.
"You have a great walk." - A man last week who I happened to be walking next to as I was trying to catch my subway... it was strange, but it made me laugh.
"That is a beautiful dress." - The MTA worker in the subway station I go to every day.*
*He didn't say this while looking me up and down, staring at my ass, or licking his lips. It was kind, casual, and took all of three seconds.
"You are a beautiful woman, God bless you." - Some 16 year old kids who were waiting for the subway with me a few weeks ago. I actually thought this was hysterical
"Would you like to share my umbrella?" - A man who was walking near me on 5th ave in the pouring rain with a gigantic umbrella while I covered my head with a scarf. I accepted his offer.
"Those are great glasses" - A man waiting in line for food beside me a few weeks ago.*
*They really are great.

The List of Things You Can't Say to Women Becaues They Are Overly Sexualized, Threatening, Demeaning, or Harassing:
All of these also come from personal experience)
"DAYUM GIRL, LOOK AT THOSE LEGS" - A man near Times Square who proceeded to lick his lips and stare at me.*
*It was a freakishly warm day in early April so I wore a dress. My legs were paler than Edward Cullen's and I would bet money that I hadn't shaved in at least 3 days.
"Oh, you ride this Subway often? What's your stop? What's your phone number. I ride this subway too, we should be friends." - A man who I'm almost positive was homeless. I sprinted out of the train to make sure he wasn't following me. (He wasn't.)
"Hey pretty lady, where are you going tonight, don't you need a man, baby?"- A man, also in Times Square as I was pushing past hoards of tourists to get to work one afternoon. How does shoving 16 year olds equate to me wanting a date with a stranger?
"What can I get you to drink?" - Men everywhere all the time.*
*This is tricky, because it was probably the first modern pick up line. I personally choose not to accept drinks from men I don't already know anymore. It doesn't lead to anything good. If you've been chatting and you feel comfortable, sure. If someone walks up to me and sees that my drink is mainly melted ice and offers to buy me another, it makes me uncomfortable. In my experience, when men buy your drink, they assume it gives them some sort of territory. Women are well aware of this, I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends disappear for 20 minutes and reappear apologizing that they felt obligated to chat with some man because he bought her a drink. No thank you. And if he keeps buying you drinks, he may feel that you then owe him something in return. I mean, that's how it works, right? Nope.

Anything with the words: "baby, mama, mami, sugar, sexy, hot, fine, etc."
Anything with any sort of physical gesture accompanying the statement: Licking lips, obviously looking her up and down, hand motions, etc.
ANY KIND OF TOUCHING AT ALL. Like, at all. Like, go away. Seriously.

So, because I feel threatened, afraid, etc. I (previously) wouldn't respond and ignore them and keep walking. Maybe I'd make some sort of a disagreeng sound and do the white girl eye roll, but that was about it. Men don't like that, I guess, because then I hear things like:

"Why you gotta be a bitch?! Ugly ass white bitch." - The West Village a few weeks ago. Like... why? And how did I go from "sexy" to "ugly" in like 6 seconds?

"Damn, can't a guy just give a girl a compliment?" - Almost every guy ever.*

*Yes, you can give a girl a compliment, but telling me that I am "fiiiiiiyne", doesn't feel like a compliment, it feels scary and threatening. I don't know you. I can't interpret what your words might lead to.
"You need to take that stick out your ass, girl." - It's true. I'm so stuck up because I don't want someone staring at me so hard I think my clothes might actually be melted off.

I just really don't think it's that hard to talk to a woman. I can't speak for everyone, but I guarentee most women want to be approached by men in a safe, consentual, casual, not scary manner,  and all of the following are appropriate:

10 ways to get Nicole's attention (in a slight order of importance):
10.) Be into what I'm into. I went to this Doctor Who trivia night and there was a guy dressed perfectly as Eleven and it took everything in me not to just leave my number on a napkin on his table. (It was the bowtie... I just can't help myself)

9.) Comment on what I'm reading. (Only if you've read it/know of it... or at least pull one of those "Oh wow, how do you like that book? I've heard great things...?)
8.) If we're in the same venue, (concert, book signing, museum, etc.) ask me/tell me something about it. (Did you know that this painting was actually originally a gift for the King of blah blah blah?)
7.) Tell me I look disgusting. *
*Lol wut?
I was lost, crossing 10th ave sometime in April and heard the guy crossing the opposite way say,

"You're digusting."

I was startled because not only was I dressed nicely for work but... who says that?! I look up and he is a normal looking guy, not a crazy homeless person yelling random things.

"Excuse me?" I politely said, and he repeated himself.

Postive I must've heard him wrong I said,

"I'm sorry, WHAT?!"

"The pigeons," he said pointing, "they're disgusting!"

I laughed and told him what I thought he actually said and he laughed and kept walking!

Fine, maybe he isn't into Jewish/Italian 5'2 brunettes with grandpa glasses wearing pink pants, but if he was, he could've totally pulled a -

"I'm so sorry! My name is ________ let me make it up to you over coffee!"

And I would've accepted.

6.) Get a dog. I'm sorry. This is so cheap, but it's my list so I can do whatever I want. I just want to pet all the dogs in the world, if you have a dog, I will try to pet it. And then swoon because you named it Fang.

5.) Be kind hearted. Everytime I see a man give up his seat for an elderly person, buy a homeless guy food, run into the street to get a ball so kids don't, it melts my heart. I don't necessarily go up and tell them that, but still. It has an effect.
4.) Offer directions when I look lost. I'm always lost and my phone is always dead. And I don't mean in a creepy like,
"Ooh, where are you going, let me drive you there and then stand by the door to make sure you get in safe" because that is teriffying. I mean like when I am staring at the subway map for 10 minutes and you ask if I need some help, I really appreciate it, because trust me, I need all the help I can get.

The face says it all

3.) Tell me I'm wearing great shoes. (This is always foolproof, because I'm always wearing great shoes.)

2.)"I saw you across the room and I just couldn't help but come over and introduce myself."*

*I'm laughing at this one. It's a joke. But it wouldn't be too funny if someone actually did this.
1.) This one will blow your mind, ready?

"Hi, I'm ________ nice to meet you."



Be a man. Even Mulan could do it.



Rejection is scary, I get that, but most girls aren't going to throw a drink in your face if you simply ask her or tell her something non-threatening. If she isn't interested, she will most likely politely but shortly respond and go back to her business. IT'S JUST NOT THAT HARD!
And if my words aren't heeded... be warned