As You Would Have Them Do Unto You

Dear Gay Community:

It has been 24 hours since I publicly began bargaining for you. And I am exhausted. I am a straight woman in love with a straight man- this isn't really my battle.

Except that it is.

I apologize for every time you felt unloved, unwanted, not good enough, etc. I don't mean to put words in your mouth, it's just that if I were in your shoes, it's how I'd feel.

So, call me a sinner if you must, world, because I can't change what my heart feels to be true.

Praise the Lord that it is He alone who will judge my heart come my time. All I am trying to do is love an unloved people. To treat them with the kindness that I have been treated with, and to show them the grace and compassion that I have been shown. As soon as I could criticize their lifestyle, they could criticize mine. We are all blemished and unholy, by why do I try to force them out of their lifestyle, and I use the word force literally.

In my version of the world, the gay community would walk upright with any and all civil rights, without a scarlet letter branding them and barring them from things.

The point that I would like to make most clear is that yes, Phil Robertson had a right to say what he wanted and yes, he is Biblically correct in what he said. BUT what he said caused pain and anguish in the hearts of those living the lifestyle he spoke of. It belittled their lives and love and did not make Jesus look even slightly appealing to them.
And THAT is my biggest issue with what he said. IT IS NOT DIFFICULT, RESPECT OTHERS' DIFFERENCES AND LOVE THEM DESPITE THEIR SINS AS THEY SHOULD DO YOU.

To anyone that privately or publicly contacted me to show support, thank you so much, your words mean so much as these are scary things to say out loud when you grew up like I did.

Perhaps a decade ago, I wouldn't have felt the way that I do now. Maybe 5 years ago I might have felt it but was too afraid of the shame and retort to say it. But I'm too old now and have heard enough. I will fight for you, and I will still love God. If my open heart isn't good enough, than so be it, that's all I have to offer.

I can't turn my back when I see an injustice- usually I can't do much about it except complain to my boyfriend,  but maybe if I try hard enough, I can do something this time.

Do Unto Others

I have been awake for a little over an hour. I checked the weather, my email, and my Facebook account at which point I was bombarded about the news that Phil Robertson was fired due to his anti-gay remarks. I was informed of this via the many articles posted by people in Delaware, most of whom I know from my church.

"Constitutional rights!" "Freedom of Speech!"

Let's get on thing straight, guys. He was not shot by a firing squad... he was fired (It is probably temporarily, he is a cash cow for A&E they're probably doing it to save face. Let's be realistic here.)

He exercised his right to speak freely and his family wasn't taken away in the middle of the night, he didn't get his tongue cut out, he wasn't publicly executed. His boss didn't like what he said, and he was fired. If you watch the news a little more, you'd notice that this happens to regular people (how many teachers get fired for a misunderstood Facebook status?) fairly often.

Also, are we all aware of what he actually said. Like, you all read the article and didn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable?

In case you're just clicking likes on photos that say that Phil has the right to Free Speech, but don't know what he even said, I will inform you.

 "It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus," Robertson says in the January issue of the men's magazine. "That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."

During a discussion about repentance and God, Robertson is asked what he finds sinful.

"Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there," he says. "Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men."

taken from here.

Oh friends, come on now. Have you ever met a gay person? I will have to assume not. To liken a gay man (notice, he doesn't mention gay women...) to someone who has sex with animals is beyond profane.

You want to know who has sex with animals? Depraved, evil, (yes, I know, we're all evil without the love of Christ) and incredibly messed up individuals like this guy who is also in the public eye. If you don't want to click on the link, the facts are that he tried to rape a baby, sexually abused a woman's child with her consent, and "he pleaded guilty to possessing and making indecent photographs of children as well as having extreme pornographic material involving bestiality on his computer hard drive."

Men who are gay cannot be placed in the same realm as this man, who by all accounts is straight.

Another fun fact: Gay men do not engage in sexual activity with other gay men because they're hyper-sexualized and that's all their is too it. Sometimes, they might just want to have sex, as a straight male and straight woman might, sometimes though- they fall in love! Sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with sex, but the mere fact that they found someone who loves their soul!

And here's the thing, I enjoy Duck Dynasty, well, rather, I did.

On my last trip home to Smallville, DE I began to take photos of the Duck Dynasty branded things I found at the local WalMart. Duck Dynasty, shame on you. I mean, these people are making a fortune off of some dang lip balm flavored like Uncle Si's sweet tea. Come on now! Y'all are out of control!

I understand (well, not really, but I can try to) the common Christian viewpoint of believing that people "choose" to be gay. (Can you honestly tell me why someone would choose a lifestyle in which they are likened to beastialitists?!) I (try to) see the point of view where they don't deserve the common rights, etc. that a person who chooses to be straight receives (as the government chooses, mind you.)

But what I can't see is how a group of compassionate, non-judgmental, loving, kind-hearted people who  know that their sin is just as ugly as their brother's, could stand with a straight backbone in defense of this remark.

This quote is taken from the same site as before,

"GLAAD on Wednesday condemned his remarks as "some of the vilest and most extreme statements uttered against LGBT people in a mainstream publication" and said "his quote was littered with outdated stereotypes and blatant misinformation." 

Remember when all gay men were seen as pedophiles? That wasn't even my era as I wasn't born yet, but I remember. How far have these men had to come to prove that they aren't sex-crazed, HIV contracting, wild men who will do anything for sex? And now, let's throw them for a loop again.

"Robertson released his own statement in response to the flap early Wednesday: "I myself am a product of the '60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." 

In the words of every white girl:

Literally, I just can't.

If that isn't disrespect, what is?

Here's the thing, conservative readers.

Freedom of speech allows you to post oh so many Facebook articles about things that I find to be small-minded and cruel. I get it, alright, all of us sinners are going to the Big Furnace unless we repent of our sinful ways.
And I also completely understand that the main job of a Christian is to evangelize, to spread the good news of Christ and teach others about his ways and allow the Holy Spirit to do it's job. Meaning, it is not the job of a Christian to force Christ on someone by telling them that they being a drunkard, sexually promiscuous, gay, etc. etc. will go to Hell unless they repent.

Who will drop to their knees after hearing that!? Would you!?

I am so ashamed. I am so ashamed of a culture that I grew up in, that I belonged to with pride for so long.

Did Jesus condemn the adulteress? The leper? Have we all forgotten the main message of love.

How dare this man, who could do so much good, do so much harm.

Can we not just live our lives in Christ centered ways, loving those around us so much so that they come to us asking to know more. 

Surely telling a man that the life he lives is disgusting and degrading to all of humanity is not what Christ had in mind. And if it is, that is not a man that I could ever stand behind.

Are love and grace not the entire point of the religion you all follow? Where is the love and grace for the gay men? Not anywhere that I can see.

Finally, I will end this by stating something that hurts my heart even more.

Where is the cry of outrage over the young girls who are raped and tormented and kill themselves? Where are the articles in retort about how Russia has put a ban on gay propaganda, which includes even counseling gay teens. I want articles that cry out against the evils of things like this. Where are the mothers who are applauding things like this, hoping their daughters survived childhood and adolescence unscathed by the big, mean world?!

I could go on and on. 

But, maybe those things don't matter, not as much as standing up for a T.V. PERSONALITY with more money and clout than all of the middle class people posting about him put together. Look, Phil is going to be just fine, if anything, he can write a memoir about how he is similar to those in the persecuted church for speaking out about what he believed in.

If Christ can love us through our ugly, can we love others?

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Tell me what you think

Naked.

I don't not wear makeup. I just don't. I can't remember the last time I thought it was okay to leave the house looking the way God intended. Maybe the 7th grade?

New York is such a funny city. For every person you see so dressed up you wonder if they are notable, there is a person who looks like they meant to go to Idaho and got lost here. (Much love to the Idahoians [?] who might stumble onto this blog.)

Every day I see women who aren't wearing makeup and I am utterly amazed. I am amazed that they didn't just come from the gym or overslept... that they actually left the house fully intending on braving the world with a naked face. I am SO JEALOUS of all of my friends who can say "Let me just hop in the shower, I'll meet you in 20." I don't even understand how that is possible! I would say about 90% are those chapstick-and-a-swipe-of-mascara type of girls and I can't handle it. You beautiful women! To quote on of the most wonderful films of all time:

"I'll have what she's having."

I cannot be one of those women. I do jot have strong facial features. My nose slightly hooks, my chin is weak and my cheeks just slightly too full. My eyebrows are too fine and a shade too light, and my dark eyes sort of sink into my pale complexion. Oh, that and I've been fighting a losing battle with acne for nearly a decade now and the results are scars, an uneven skin tone and a whole lot of self-consciousness.

I don't not wear make-up.

In fact, I almost always wear too much.

But I am dating a man who can't understand why I wear it and sees no point. He constantly tells me that I look great without it (to which I mutter under my breath that his eyesight must be going and/or he has a strange taste in slightly pockmarked women). But he hops in the shower, throws on clean clothes and is ready. In the time that I brush my hair and contemplate what shoes I want to wear... and that's when we're going to Trader Joe's. 

See, the need to feel beautiful in not only my own but EVERYONE'S eyes has been a part of my life for as far back as I can recall. I was the girl who snuck make-up to summer camp. And I don't know why I feel this way, I was loved and encouraged as a child- no one berated me or made me feel ugly. But, it is how  I feel. 

On Tuesday, I had nothing to do. Literally nothing. It was a struggle to find a reason just to put on pants... I would have to get very creative to find a reason to wear make-up. So I didn't. But I also didn't go anywhere or see anyone, save the bums on the subway, so it wasn't a big deal. Wednesday rolled around and I had to work but as I was blow drying my hair I lookes at myself in the mirror- I looked awful. But then I smiled and realized I looked... okay. So I didn't wear any make-up and entered the world.

Let it be known that the only times I can remember doing this in the past were during breakups when I couldn't stop crying long enough for it to actually stay on. 

And I tried to avoid looking at myself in the mirror for most of the day and so for most of the day I felt pretty good about myself. And then on Thursday I again did enter the public eye and my face stayed clean.

But here is today, Friday, day 4. Aside from the most annoying blemish on my chin...  I look okay. I really do. Maybe its just that it has been a long time since I've spent this many days with a naked face and I'm finally getting used to it, I don't know. I'm writing this as I take the train to work and after work I have plans (!) With some friends (!!) to go to a comedy thing and a bar for a late birthday celebration (!!!) and... I want to look nice. My pink streak has been sharpied purple (and I love it), my hair is on its best behavior and I am wearing my NYC uniform of black with sequins. It feels so strange to let my face stay naked. I'll probably give in about 5 minutes after I post this, but I don't care. I actually woke up for one day in my life actually pleased with the way God made my face.

** I wrote all of this on my phone so I'm sure there are typos and such... deal with it.