LEAVE MILEY ALONE - Or Why Miley Is Still A Role Model

Once upon a time, there was a sad, sad time in the life of Britney Spears and all of the sudden EVERYONE became an expert on how she should live her life. And then this happened.

While tears are a little extreme, my message is the same.

LEAVE MILEY ALONE.

God bless everyone who has written a blog post/ news article about Miley's behavior. I know y'all mean well, but seriously- what are you trying to change. Do you really think your open letter to Miley, or even better an open letter to your daughter about Miley is going to change her?

I tried to read this woman's letter and I just couldn't.
Here is a crazy concept, maybe Miley HATED being Hannah Montana and everything that came with it. MAYBE Miley enjoys jumping around mostly naked with a tongue that forgot where it belongs, and MAYBE it isn't any of your business.
Turn off the TV, stop buying sleazy magazines, and switch the radio. Pop culture has always been the same. You're trying to tell me that if the Internet had existed during Madonna's Like A Virgin VMA performance people wouldn't have lost their minds as well? Destroying the institution of marriage, making a mockery of religion, etc. etc.
Welcome to the New World.

I will say that I don't agree with what Miley is doing. I think it is all sorts of crazy and makes her look a bit desperate for attention. But just an FYI to the general public, she is an adult and is no longer controlled by Disney and is performing the way she chooses.

I know that Miley is now the number 1 poster child for who American parents DON'T want their kid to be, and it is sooo easy for us to watch her go down the crazy slide and chastise her, but is that helping anyone?
If you're afraid of your daughter growing up in a world where Miley is a role model then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

1.) You're daughter is growing up in a world where Miley is a role model. Little girls who knew her as Hannah Montana will always idolize her, and teenage girls who see her living her life they way she wants to will be jealous her. Not all, mind you, but enough. So, stop trying to fight it, it's here.

2.) And if Miley is the role model for girls aged 9-16, make the best of it. Seriously.

2a.) Miley chose to forgo traditional feminine beauty and get a short, fun, edgy, sexy haircut. Guess how many girls don't want long hair, or think that long hair is synonymous with pretty. Thank Miley for showing your daughter that your outward appearance can be bold, it can be nontraditional, and it can be beautiful.

2b.) Miley has come out of the Disney shadow and made a name, and a life for herself. Would I encourage you to encourage your daughter to do things the way she did... no. But you can encourage your daughter to be brave. To step out of the shadow she doesn't want to be under and to push aside the fear and become her own little person.

2c.) Miley's daddy still loves her. And someday your daughter might become her own little person and not at all the person you had hoped. Maybe she will never, ever, EVER want to wear a dress, anything sparkly, or understand how to put on eye makeup. And you will still love her. Maybe your daughter will die her hair blue and pierce her face and rip up the clothes you buy for her. And you will still love her. Maybe your daughter will chose a hard life, a life of service, poverty, forgoing all of life's comforts you worked so hard to provide for her, but she will be living a life that she feels is fulfilling. And you will still love her. Maybe your daughter will love another girl, have a baby out of wedlock, drop out of college, date a total loser, have an eating disorder, enjoy having casual sex, stop going to church. And you will still love her. Maybe your daughter will run the world someday. Maybe your daughter will cure cancer. Maybe your daughter will find world peace. Maybe your daughter will end world hunger. And it will be because you loved her.

3.) Teach your daughter about love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and the beautiful act of being non-judgmental through Miley.
Teach your daughter to love the "lost" girls, and to love herself when she too, is lost. Teach your daughter not to label someone a slut because they do something that society says is deviant. Teach your daughter that her sins are just as ugly, and to not think she is better than Miley because she "doesn't do those things." Teach your daughter to befriend the girl who seems a little desperate for attention, not be the first to throw the stone at her. Teach your daughter how to be a woman.

And maybe, if we all teach our daughters that, we can all learn something ourselves and girls like Miley will be just fine.

The Unslut Project

I orginally intended to post this link as a facebook status with a few words and of couse I got carried away.
Let me start this by saying that I never, ever give money away- no matter how good the cause. Call me selfish, but I just don't. Except now. I don't
even have any money in my bank account so I'm charging it - and it is so worth it.

But please, just go to this link.
Please. If any part of you loves me, just click it.

They have to raise $7,500 dollars in 6 days. I have no doubt in my mind this cause it worth every dollar.

Emily Liden is an amazing human. She has posted her 6th grade diary for the world to see (I only read 5 or 6 entries before I tore myself away to write this) and it is amazing. It is a perfect picture into her world of slut-shaming before the term even existed. Even if you don't donate, I strongly encourage you to check it out.

Slut-shaming is deadly, it destroys young girls and women and forces them to believe the untrue. You can do your part in a few ways.
1.) Stop calling people sluts. Even the ones who you think deserve the name. Maybe they just really like to have sex. And maybe you're just jealous. OR MAYBE THEY AREN'T HAVING SEX AT ALL. Slut, just like "retarded" and "gay" are words that are severely misused out of their proper context and are given a derogatory meaning. Use your words people, if you want to call her ugly, call her ugly*. Don't mistake that word for slut. If you want to actually say that you're envious that she is receiving attention from a male you find attractive, then own it. Don't call her a slut because he didn't call you instead.
2.) Don't confuse sexual assault/rape with "slut" behavior. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE IS ANYONE EVER ASKING FOR UNWANTED SEXUAL CONTACT.
2a.) Not because she is drunk.
2b.) Not because she has had sex with you in the past.
2c.) Not because she had sex with your friend in the past.
2d.) Not because her skirt doesn't reach her knees.
2e.) Not because she is walking home alone at night.
2f.) Not because you two spend a lot of time together and you have the hots for her but she just thinks your friends and that makes you mad.
2g.) Not for any other reason I failed to mention.
3.) Call people out when you see it happening - whether it is physical or verbal.

WHY.

4.) Teach your children, sons and daughters, why this is so bad and what it does to these girls. Teach your sons to love women and to not attack them, coerce them, or drug them. Teach your daughters to love themselves and each other.

So much slut shaming is girl on girl. And that has to stop. 
I could go on forever about how this destroys souls & ruins lives. So much so that young girls are killing themselves over the "shame". Reteah Parsons & Audrie Pott are two names that come instantly to my mind. Maybe you think I'm being explosive and dramatic, and maybe I am. Maybe you remember being called a slut in the hallways, not even having your first kiss and hearing an ugly sexual rumor about yourself... and you survived, right?
But if you sit very still and very quiet- can you remember that burn? The humiliation of finding out what a certain sexual act was because someone said that you had done it? Remember how you got teased for being a virgin... and for losing your virginity?
Would you really wish that on someone else?

Now, if you're my age (or older) the worst we had to deal with was hallway gossip for the most part. It wasn't until my last year or so of high school that the internet became a handy place to hate on someone. Now it is the most appealing place to hate on someone, and it isn't ok. This isn't Social Media, it is Social Terrorism. And it needs to stop. And it can only stop through education. Through me telling you, and you telling som eone else, and them telling another one until finally we all understand. And then maybe someday someone will see a drunk girl in a short skirt walking home alone at night and instead of rolling their eyes and calling her a slut - or worse, making a physical move on her, just walking a few steps closer to her, just to make sure she is ok.

Because wouldn't you want someone to make sure you were ok?

This photo basically sums everything up. I know I quote it constantly, but there is really no better way to say it.


If I accomplish nothing else in this lifetime, I would like to make the world a place where one woman could count on another. Like we would have some bizarre sisterhood (no pants, please), and would know when to help a sista out, when to stand up for her, and when to protect her. That's the world I'd like to create for my daughter someday. Wouldn't you?








*I do not promote calling people ugly, I am merely saying that if you are going to use a derogatory remark, at least use the proper one for the context.

This is what you do with a B.A. in English (Or, My Gratitude List) (Or, 5,000 Views!)

My boyfriend is spending the better part of his days convincing me to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones, to which I reply that I like my negative thoughts, thank you very much.
He says that whenever he is feeling negative he writes out a gratitude list to remind of of everything he is thankful for. (I know, he is definitely not of this species.)

This week I broke 5,000 views on this blog. (And I don't event track my own page views!)
I cannot for the life of me understand why I have a stalker who has read my blog 5,000 times. Or maybe have 5,000 people who've read it once. Or whatever combination it actually is, but I am so thankful I could just cry.

My first blog post about 6 months ago was entitled "What Do You Do With a B.A. in English" and so this title feels fitting now:
In a dream world, when you have a B.A. in English, you move to New York to be a writer. Or maybe an editor. Or maybe think about grad school and get tired when you open a GRE book. Or maybe a Craigslister. Or maybe a funny person. Or maybe a funny person who writes a blog?
In the real world, when you have a B.A. in English you move to New York to try to be all of those things, but you are mostly unemployed.

So, this is where my (unemployment) gratitude list comes in:
I am grateful for... (this feels like a 2nd grade Thanksgiving assignment, but just roll with it)
1.) Taking naps in the middle of the day, after waking up around 10:30 am
2.) Being able to be free to meet any friends that call me up.
3.) Finding all of the cool things NYC has to offer for free.
4.) NOT HAVING TO WAKE UP AT 6:30 AM AND DRESS LIKE A GROWN-UP
5.) A boyfriend who is a professor and therefore has the summer "off" as well.
6.) All of the people who keep telling me not to give up.
7.) Parents who pay my loans.
8.) People who actively believe I will amount to more than the voice in my head says I will.
9.) The ability to write blog posts about being unemployed and people don't hate me for it.
10.) Being unemployed in New York, I would take it over a decent salary in a life-sucking town any day of the week.

I am so grateful for 5,000 views. For the people who read these entries and then proceed to tell me that they read the entries and that it was applicable to their life.
Y'all know who you are. And you're the best.