This story has been sitting inside of me for almost a year now, it is time to tell it.
Last summer I was living in the Upper West Side, which is arguably the best place to live in all 5 boroughs. I was keeping my car in the city for a few weeks and thus began to ever present struggle of finding street parking every other day. I so far was finding a lot of luck, which I had continually said was bound to run out sooner or later. One night I left work around 10:30 and got home around 11 am. I had to be back at 8 am the next day and was already exhausted, and remembered I had to move my car (in the rain to make it that much sweeter). After circling a 10 block radius for about 30 minutes I was nearly in tears and was considering paying for overnight parking- when I see a spot.
I very unsuccessfully tried to parallel park (let me just say that I am a good parallel parker but in this particular night it was dark and rainy and the streetlight was causing and awful glare and my glasses were dirty and I was exhausted!) about 4 or 5 times, much to the dismay of other cars trying to get around me. A man in full traditional West African garb in his late 20s approaches me from the stoop where he had been watching me gives me hand motions to glide into the spot (see, New Yorkers are friendly!)
I get out of the car to check my handiwork and to thank him for his help. I sheepishly tell him that sometimes late at night I have a hard time seeing because my car is pretty big and I am so small. He turns his head so fast I thought he'd have whiplash, he looks me square in the face and says slowly with all of the power in the world-
"Never say that you are small. If you say that you are small, the universe will believe that you are small and that is all you will ever be."
He continues to look at me as I search my mind for any type of a response and completely fail.
He continues on-
"Say that you are great and the universe will believe that you are great."
A completely connected tangent:
I have a lot of confidence when it comes to certain things like... wearing red lipstick, karaoke, strutting in 6 inch high heels, yelling at people in my car safely behind plexiglass, knowing all of the lyrics to the Thong Song, navigating the NYC subway system. However, I do NOT have a lot of confidence in other certain things like job hunting, networking, talking about what I do for a living, talking about what I want out of life... are you sensing a pattern?
I am small. I am, at 5'2, small. And I have for many years believed it, and so has the universe. Because when you are small, there isn't much to talk up. I once was at a friend's party where other guests I didn't know asked me about my job. I gave a flippant, self deprecating answer that I had barely registered as being such. My friend looked at me and said, "What are you talking about? You are someone's boss. You work really hard. You are really dedicated. You do a great job."
I had no words.
So, back to the story.
I look at this man through rain covered glasses and I guess find some words to respond. I then look at my car and realize that I had parked in a no parking zone and would have to move...again. I thanked him for his efforts but explained that I had to leave. He challenged me to believe in myself, believe that the universe will take care of me and to leave me car there and trust. I looked at him square in the face and explained that I am a New Yorker and I don't put my trust in much, especially when it comes to my car and a $200 towing fee. I got in the car and started circling again. I pulled up the street that I lived on and whispered as softly as I could,
"I am great."
And there was a spot. Right there. Within eyesight of my building.
I said it once more, still barely audible and parked perfectly.
I am small. But I am great. I am great. I am great.
You are great. I am great. You are great. I am great.
